It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Radioactive Man, woke up in a bush. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling really puzzled, Radioactive Man hit a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, she realized that her beloved diary was missing! Immediately she called her bed-friend, Fallout Boy. Radioactive Man had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Fallout Boy was unique. She was congenial though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Radioactive Man called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fallout Boy picked up to a very unhappy Radioactive Man. Fallout Boy calmly assured her that most 3-legged wallabies cringe before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually wildly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because she had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only four days prior. It was a enticing little diary... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: her diary. Fallout Boy panicked. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited her over, assuring her they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed her George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Radioactive Man took the amphibious vehicle, she had take at least five minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if she took the time machine? Then Fallout Boy would be scarcely screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by eight stupid Care Bears that were lured by her diary. Fallout Boy turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling angered, she recklessly reached for her potato and thoughtfully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was running late. With a hasty leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went sassily jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Fallout Boy was pleased but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fallout Boy surreptitiously purred. With a skillful push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid beer-sloshed tool in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured her. Radioactive Man took a seat ridiculously far from where Fallout Boy had hidden the diary. Fallout Boy yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Fallout Boy noticed a clueless look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Radioactive Man aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.

Radioactive Man stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been nine microseconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, Fallout Boy groped wildly in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little annoying, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at her or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, she gripped her diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make her way through the bush behind Fallout Boy's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from her injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with her diary.

About three hours later, Radioactive Man awoke, her kidney throbbing. It was dark and Radioactive Man did not know where she was. Deep in the arid swamp, Radioactive Man was abundantly lost. Giggling like schoolgirl, she remembered that her diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a shrunken Care Bear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha Care Bear. Radioactive Man opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Radioactive Man's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Radioactive Man's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

Less than five miles away, Fallout Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a hasty thrust, she buried it deeply into her taint. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Radioactive Man... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1


*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/